Saturday, 9 February 2019

thank u next

One taught me love,
One taught me patience,

And one taught me pain,

I'm going to be honest, I'm a bit obsessed with this song at the moment, feeling myself relating to it in almost an almost cringey, 'This was so written about me', kind of way. But the more that I've listened to it, the more I've been thinking, I really am grateful for the people who have come and gone from my life, even if they have hurt me along the way because they have each contributed to the person that I am today. I'm not just talking about boyfriends, although I suppose they cannot be forgotten, I'm talking about friends who have blitzed through my life, irrevocably changing it, only to be gone without a trace. I'm talking about being grateful for those who entered into my life so slyly that I never even noticed, but have left their damage so dreadful that I am still dealing with the aftershocks today. And still, I find myself grateful for all of the things that they have taught me. They have taught me how to treat people, and how not to treat people. They have made me realise that I am the only one who can define my self worth, and that it really doesn't matter what he or she says or supposedly says about me, because I know in myself that I am a good person. To allow someone else to have that power over me would be ridiculous. 

I found that this approach is a really powerful way of thinking about things. Considering past events, whether they be good or bad, as blessings because they have made you stronger, more capable of dealing with things, and overall, a better person. It allows you to stop dwelling on these events, resenting people from your past, hating them for the things that they have done and said. Why would you waste so much energy on this negativity, because let's be honest, you can't change it, you can only grow and learn from it. You can look at your life from a new perspective, and reevaluate the way that you treat others by virtue of knowing how it feels to be hurt by someone else words or actions, so you will never knowingly allow yourself to do the same to someone else. You can change the way that you approach situations, because you know what happens when you don't take them seriously. 

A lot has changed for me in the last six months. I've entered into my final year of university, with graduation feeling tangibly close. I left my job of three years, got a new job which I am loving.  I've met new people who have become integral parts of my lives, and lost people along the way.

So what I am trying to say is that I'm going to be adopting a, 'thank u next', attitude to life, embracing the good and the bad, those that stay and those that leave. Because I am so fucking grateful for it all. 

And for that, I say
Thank you, next.

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